@scottaukerman I AM JOINING THE CONVERSATION #newyearseve

— Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) January 1, 2013

CNN’s New Year’s Eve coverage with Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin is sure to dominate the critical demographic of gay men aged 43 to 43.

— Josh Patten (@thejoshpatten) December 31, 2012

HAP-PY PEOPLE WITH TODDLERS NEW YEAR!!! LET’S KEEP THIS PARTY ROCKIN TILL THE AUTOPSY SCENE IN JAWS AND THE FALL THE FUCK ASLEEP!!!!

— Matt Fisher (@fishermatt) January 1, 2013

Fuck you.I mean, Happy New Year!

— Anthony Atamanuik (@TonyAtamanuik) December 31, 2012

Fuck That Pussy. Suck That Dick. #2013

— Paul Scheer (@paulscheer) December 31, 2012

I’m gonna fuck 2013 in the peen.

— Shannon O’Neill (@spotastic) January 1, 2013

Wife Swapping. 2013.

— Brian Finkelstein (@bsfinkelstein) January 1, 2013

Why is 2012 afraid of 2013? Because 2013 2014ed 2015.

— Adam Newman (@Adam_Newman) December 31, 2012

2013 Resolutions: Shazam less, figure out what skin tags are, touch a bald eagle in the wild, forgive George Lucas, eat 4 salads.

— Sara Schaefer (@saraschaefer1) January 1, 2013

New Year’s Resolution: Give myself time to perfect my Kim/Kanye baby joke. Don’t rush it. Unveil it when it’s ready.

— Dave Horwitz (@Dave_Horwitz) December 31, 2012

I didn’t get my resolutions in on time!

— Kevin Hines (@kevhines) January 1, 2013

It’s 2013 now, get your shit together. Take a class, write a show, create your own thing. Be better than the people you admire. We’ll help.

— UCB Theatre NY (@UCBTheatreNY) January 1, 2013